I had spent about three years in this state already described, continuing to remain in bed, when one morning Jesus made me understand that He wanted to renew the marriage – not on earth, as the first time, but in Heaven, in the presence of the whole Celestial Court, and that I should remain prepared for a grace so great. I did as much as I could in order to dispose myself, but since I am so miserable and insufficient in doing any shadow of good, the hand of the Divine Maker was needed in order to dispose me, because, by myself, I would never have managed to purify my soul.
One morning – it was the eve of the nativity of Mary Most Holy – my always benign Jesus Himself came to dispose me. He did nothing but come and go continuously. He would speak to me now about Faith, and then He would leave me, and I would feel a life of faith being infused in my soul. As rough as I felt it before, at the speaking of Jesus, I would feel my soul become very light, in such a way as to penetrate into God; and I would contemplate now His Power, now His Sanctity, now His Goodness, and so on. My soul would remain stupefied, and in a sea of stupefaction, I would say: ‘Powerful God, what power is not undone before You? Immense Sanctity of God, what other sanctity, as sublime as it might me, would dare to appear before You?’ Then I would feel myself descend into myself, and I could see my nothingness, the nonentity of earthly things, how everything is nothing before God. I would see myself as a little worm, all full of dust, climbing up in order to take a few steps; it would take nothing to destroy me but someone who would trample me under foot, and I would be undone. So, seeing myself so ugly, I almost would not dare to go to God, but His Goodness would make itself present before my mind, and I would feel drawn as though by a magnet, to go to Him. And I would say to myself: ‘If He is holy, He is also merciful; if He is powerful, He also contains full and highest Goodness within Himself.’ It seemed to me that Goodness surrounded Him on the outside and inundated Him from within. So I would contemplate the Goodness of God. It seemed to me that it would surpass all of the other attributes, but then, looking at the others, I would see them all equal among themselves – immense, immeasurable and incomprehensible to the human nature.