Finally, after about one and a half years of this fight, the cruelties of the demons ceased, and a whole new life began, although the demons did not stop bothering me from time to time. However, it was not so frequent, the battle was not so fierce, and I became used to despising them.
The new life that began was at the Farm called “Torre Disperata”. One day while, more than ever, I was tormented by the devil, to the point that I felt like losing my strengths and fainting, around evening, while I was in this state, I felt I was having a deadly fit and I lost consciousness. In that state, I saw Jesus Christ surrounded by many enemies – some were beating Him, some were slapping Him, some were driving thorns into His head, some were breaking His legs, some His arms. After they reduced Him almost to pieces, they put Him in the arms of the Madonna; and this happened not too far from me. After the Most Holy Virgin took Him in Her arms, She drew near me, and crying, She said to me: “Daughter, see how my Son is treated by men - the horrible offenses they commit, which never give Him respite. Look at Him, how He suffers.” And I tried to look at Him, and I saw Him all blood, all wounds, and almost cut up, reduced to a mortal state. I felt such pains that I would have wanted to die a thousand times rather than see my Lord suffer so much. I felt ashamed of my little sufferings. The Most Holy Virgin added, but always crying: “Come closer to kiss the wounds of my Son. He chooses you as victim, and if many offend Him, by offering yourself to suffer what He suffers, you will give Him a relief in so much suffering. Won’t you accept?” I felt so annihilated; I saw myself so bad (and I am still so) and unworthy, that I did not dare to say “yes”. My nature trembled; I felt so weak from the past pains, that it barely left me a thread of life. Then, I don’t know how, I saw demons yelling and shouting from afar, and I saw that everything I had seen the Lord suffer, they were going to do to me, if I accepted. I felt such pains, sufferings, pulling of nerves within me, that I thought I was going to leave life.
Finally, I drew near and I kissed His wounds. It seemed that, after I did that, those limbs so lacerated would heal, and the Lord, who before seemed to be almost dead, would begin to revive to new life. Interiorly, I received great lights about the offenses that are given, and attractions to accept being a victim though I should suffer a thousand deaths, for the Lord deserved everything, and I could not oppose what He wanted. This happened while we were in mute silence. But those gazes that we exchanged were so many invitations, so many burning darts that pierced my heart through. The Most Holy Virgin, especially, spurred me on to accept; but who can tell all that I went through? Finally, looking at me benignly, the Lord told me: “You have seen how much they offend Me, and how many walk along the paths of evil, and without realizing it, fall into the abyss. Come to offer yourself before Divine justice as victim of reparation for the offenses that are given, and for the conversion of sinners who, with eyes closed, drink at the poisoned fount of sin. A large field of sufferings opens before you, yes - but also of graces; I will never leave you again, I will come within you to suffer all that men do to Me, making you share in my pains. For help and comfort, I give you my Mother.” And He seemed to deliver me to Her - and She accepted me. I too offered all of myself to Him and to the Virgin - ready to do what He wanted. This is how it ended the first time.
After I came round from that state, I felt such pains, such annihilation of myself, that I saw myself as a miserable little worm that was able to do nothing but crawl on the earth. And I said to the Lord: ‘Help – your omnipotence knocks me down; I see that if You do not lift me, my nothing will undo and be dissolved. Give me suffering, but I beg You to give me strength, for I feel I am dying.’ And so an alternation began, of visits from Our Lord and of torments on the part of demons. The more I resigned myself, the more they increased their rage.