After some time, now with Him and now deprived of Him, one day, after Communion, I felt more intimately united with Him. He asked me various questions, as for example: if I loved Him, if I was ready to do what He wanted, even the sacrifice of my life for love of Him. He also said to me: “And you, tell me what you want; if you are ready to do what I want, I too will do what you want.” I saw myself all confused; I could not understand that way of His, of operating. But with time I understood that that way of acting is when He wants to dispose the soul to new and heavy crosses – He knows how to draw her so close to Himself with those stratagems, that the soul does not dare to oppose what He wants. So I said to Him: ‘Yes, I love You; but You tell me, Yourself – can I find anything more beautiful, more holy, more lovable than You? And then, why ask me if I am ready to do what You want, when it has been so long since I delivered my will to You, and I prayed You not to spare me even tearing me to pieces, as long as I may give You pleasure? I abandon myself in You, oh Holy Spouse – operate freely, do with me whatever You want, but give me your grace, for by myself I am nothing and can do nothing.’
And He repeated to me: “Are you truly ready for anything I want?” I saw myself more confused, annihilated, and I said: ‘Yes, I am ready’ – but almost trembling. And He, compassionating me, continued to tell me: “Do not fear, I will be your strength – it is not you that will suffer, but I Myself will suffer and fight within you. See, I want to purify your soul from every slightest spot which might hinder my love within you; I want to test your faithfulness. But how can I see if this is true, other than by placing you in the midst of the battle? Know then, that I want to put you in the midst of demons. I will give them freedom to torment you and to tempt you, so that after you have fought the virtues with the opposite vices, you may already find yourself in possession of those very virtues which you think you are losing. And then, your soul, purged, embellished, enriched, will be like a king returning victorious from a most fierce war, who, while he thought he would lose what he possessed, comes back more glorious and filled with immense riches. Then will I come; I will form my dwelling in you, and we will be always together. It is true that your state will be painful; the demons will give you no more peace, either at daytime or at night – they will always be in act of waging a most fierce war against you. But you, always keep your aim at what I want to make of you – that is, making you similar to Me – and at the fact that you will not be able to arrive at this, other than by means of many and great tribulations. In this way, you will have more courage to sustain the pains.”
Who can tell how frightened I was at such an announcement? I felt my blood freeze, my hair curl, my imagination full of black ghosts that seemed to want to devour me alive. It seemed to me that, before putting me in that painful state, the Lord gave freedom to everything I was to suffer, and I saw myself surrounded by all this. So I turned to Him and said: “Lord, have pity on me! O please! do not leave me alone and abandoned. I see that the rage of the demons is such that they will leave not even the dust of myself – how shall I be able to resist them? My misery is well known to You, and also how bad I am; therefore, give me new grace that I may not offend you. My Lord, the pain that most torments my soul is to see that You too must leave me. Ah! to whom shall I say a word any more? Who will teach me? However, may your Will be always done - I bless your Holy Will.
And He, benignly, continued to say: “Do not afflict yourself so much; know that I will never allow them to tempt you beyond your strengths. If I allow this, it is for your good. I never put souls in battles so that they may perish; first I measure their strengths, I give them my grace, and then I put them in. And if some souls fall, it is because they do not remain united to Me by means of prayer; no longer feeling the sensitivity to my love, they go begging for love from the creatures, while I alone can satiate the human heart. They do not let themselves be guided by the sure path of obedience, believing more in their own judgment, than in those who guide them in my place. So, what is the wonder if they fall? Therefore, what I recommend to you is prayer. Even if you should suffer pains of death, you must never neglect that which you are used to doing; even more, the more you see yourself in the abyss, the more you will invoke the help of the one who can free you. Still more, I want you to place yourself, blindly, in the hands of the confessor, without examining what is being said to you. You will be surrounded by darkness, and will be like one who has no eyes, and who needs a hand to guide her. The eye for you will be the voice of the confessor, which, like light, will clear the darkness from you; the hand will be obedience, which will be your guide and support to make you reach a safe harbor. The last thing I recommend to you is courage. I want you to enter the battle with intrepidity. The thing that an adversary army fears the most is to see courage, strength, and the way in which one challenges the most dangerous fights, without fearing anything. So the demons are; there is nothing they fear more than a courageous soul who, all clinging to Me, with a strong spirit, goes into their midst, not to be wounded, but with the firm resolution of wounding them and exterminating them. The demons are frightened, terrified, and would rather flee; but they cannot, because they are bound by my Will, and they are forced to stay, to their greater torment. Therefore, do not fear them, for they can do nothing to you without my Will. And then, when I see that you can no longer resist and are about to fail, if you are faithful to me, I will come immediately, I will put everyone to flight, and I will give you grace and strength. Courage, then, courage.”