I was so dismayed, that I did not know what to do in order to repair. I did some mortifications, I asked for some more from the confessor, but few were given to me, so they all seemed shadows to me, and I did nothing but think about my sins, though clinging more and more to Him. I had such fear of moving away and of doing worse than before, that I myself cannot express it. When I was with Him, I did nothing but tell Him of the pain I felt for having offended Him. I kept asking for His forgiveness, I thanked Him for having been so good to me, and I said to Him from the heart: ‘See oh Lord, the time I have lost, while I could have loved You.’ I was unable to say anything but the grave evil I had done.
Finally, one day, reprimanding me, He told me: “I do not want you to think about it. When a soul has humbled herself, being convinced of having done wrong, and has cleansed her soul in the Sacrament of Confession, and is ready to die rather than offend Me - it is an affront to my mercy, it is a hindrance to drawing her close to my love, because her mind is always trying to wrap itself with the mud of the past. She also prevents Me from letting her take flight toward Heaven, because she is always with those ideas wrapped within herself, as she tries to think about it. And then, see, I no longer remember anything; I have perfectly forgotten about it. Do you see any rancor or shadow on my part?”
And I said to Him: ‘No Lord, You are so good.’ But I felt my heart split with tenderness.
“So, are you the one who wants to carry these things on?”
And I: ‘No, no, I don’t want to.’
And He: “Let us think about loving and contenting each other.”
From that time on, I did not think about it so much; I did as much as I could in order to content Him, and I prayed that He Himself would teach me what I should do in order to repair for the time past. And He said to me: “I am ready to do what you want. See, the first thing that I told you I wanted from you was the imitation of my life; so, let us see what you lack.”
‘Lord’, I said to Him, ‘I lack everything – I have nothing.’